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Scary Melodies

by Circus of Dead Squirrels

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1.
ACME I 01:17
2.
The scientists claim we came from a big bang How something comes from nothing can’t be explained The universe ever expanding Beyond human understanding Or maybe we’re inane can’t tap into our brains Where the fuck did we come from? Well I don’t even know what the fuck I am Is there some deeper meaning I missed? Or is this just a chaotic mess Where the fuck is the mothership? The preachers say we came from the father, most high An egomaniac shy guy in the sky A psychopath with a master plan That gives credence to the sins of man For us to survive animals must violently die What a brilliant design! Alien slaves trapped inside a dome We don’t really exist but at least we’re not alone Cheap laughs, cheap thrills Tick tock the clock, a countdown to nihil Tick tock the clock, time went straight to hell I lay down, I get up I’m turned on, I jerk off My existence is pure emptiness I am a child of god Reproduce like rats, we eat, fuck, and shit The academics read too much into it A glass of wine with Oprah is a mindless task I’ll sum it up for you, you’re defined by race and class I know truly in my heart My soul will be released like a fart Optimistic nihilist
3.
Life is like a box of chocolates You follow the guide provided Still get the one no one wanted Toffee rotting out your teeth Mouthful of cavities Cracker Jack digging inside it No peanuts or no fun prizes Swallowing crumbs your throat itches On the box you should be warned A lot of filler popcorn Bad breath Tic Tac halitosis Kiss after peppers and sausage Whitening toothpaste gingivitis Cigarette and coffee stains Smile through wincing pain Rose scented public bathroom stall Shit smeared on the seat, hate speech on the wall Smoke and mirrors, coddled by illusion A cherry oak cushioned coffin Decomposition Life is like a box of chocolates Some sweet, some bitter and salted Crack a tooth when they are malted Super glue type caramel Gonna need a root canal Life is a turd you can’t polish It circles round after you flush Dead bird in hand, died in the bush Shaven corpse, a beautiful wig Lipstick on a pig Perfect plastic skin mannequin Bra and panties made of lace But it has no head and isn’t for sale anyway She paints her face with softest color To hide hard lines, time has defied her Stockings and heals make all the heads turn Covering the bruising and razor burn Eye shadow and the longest lashes Black bags, cataracts, and red blemishes Her breasts pushed up, exposing cleavage Unsnapped they sag, the lie deflated I am disgusted by what’s seductive False advertisement Contaminated Lipstick on a pig Life is like a box of chocolates You know exactly what you’ll get A ripped open heart with the best pieces taken out of it A giant birthday cake The children shout Happy Birthday, Daddy A crack whore pops out She’s so pretty I'm a dirty pig
4.
Here’s to simpler times, high five Slap my neon Hypercolor tee Come with me back to the 90s! It was the summer of ‘93 A hacky sack flapped against my JNCO jeans Stuck on level 8 of Super Mario 3 All my friends are making fun of me Not because I suck at games, but because I’m behind In a console war I’m a senator’s son, I’m sitting on the sideline Still playing this 8-bit piece of shit like its 1989 Gotta make the switch, Sega Genesis in a new compact design Genesis does what Nintendon’t Genesis does what Nintendon’t, no, no, no I felt like a loser so I made a plan I traded my Nintendo to the crooks at FuncoLand I plugged the AV cables into the back of the TV I popped in Disney’s Aladdin, I’d swear I was watching the movie Wow the graphics, oh the speed Sonic flies across the screen high on PCP Steve Urkel was on the cartoon show Mario was Captain Lou Albano Wait, did I make the wrong purchase? Should I have went for the SNES? Oh hell no I want the blood, I want the guts This isn’t Romper Room, its gruesome blood sport Give me more pixelated gore But Mario lives inside my soul You play one Sonic game, you’ve played them all America became Donkey Kong Country It bonked Sega out of the game like TurboGrafx-16 Yoshi’s gonna chew you up and shit you out Genesis does what Nintendon’t But Genesis sucks compared to Super Nintendo 32X and Sega CD lead to biblical atrocity Beware thou enemies thy do not know For Xbox and PlayStation stole thine show
5.
Fear Not 05:06
Fear not, for I am with you Don’t be dismayed, for I am your god Crippling pain Pills will save you, save you Chained to the drain Unclog the fog You’ll break through, break through Bad luck, a fuck up A little demon smirks Throw a monkey wrench into the works Driving on the highway in the dark heavy rain No white lines, a blinding gleam, don’t be afraid Refuse to die in this place this way Keep moving ‘til you see the light of day Sleeping safe in bed wrapped up in soothing rain Awakened by a strange sound, don’t be afraid Refuse to die in this place this way Get up and fight to slay another day Pain in arm Sound the alarm heartbeat, heartbeat Freaky anxiety Repeat after me, just breathe, just breathe There’s a monkey on my back, he’s a pain in my ass I throw a monkey wrench into the works There’s a monkey on my back, have fun smelling my ass Throw a monkey wrench into the works Be gone, fuck off Satan Christ Died Rise I don’t need this shit today I’m not gonna die in this place this way, no not today Hell awaits since the day you were born, grab the devil by the horns
6.
Stand Up 03:50
Have you seen all these wacky potato chip flavors they have now? Mozzarella sticks, dill pickles, all this shit. If you want fucking mozzarella sticks just buy mozzarella sticks. Just buy what the fuck you want. What are we that bored we gotta switch everything up constantly? We don’t have enough fucking food in this goddamn country, we gotta start playing games with it? Is it me, am I the asshole? I’m all for paying people a living wage, I really am. But is it too much to ask of these cashiers that they could at least fucking say hello to you, make eye contact with you. I know people breaking their fucking ass, sweating their balls off making 15 dollars an hour. All you gotta do is throw a couple fucking bananas in a bag. You think you could at least acknowledge my existence you little shit. I’m not mad enough for this world Have you ever seen these motorized fucking shopping carts anywhere else except Wal-Mart? Because I haven’t. What the fuck do these people do when they have to go anywhere else? Do you see people being fucking carried around like they’re injured soldiers? Hanging off fucking people’s shoulders? Somehow they can magically walk then. Those fucking carts are like a goddamn magnet for people to be lazy pieces of shit. Twelve dollars for a sandwich, no fries, nothing. You think to yourself what is there a fucking celebrity chef back there? High school dropout walks out of the kitchen, scratching his nasty ass beard, fucking tattoo of a cock on his hand. Everybody wants a tip for every fucking thing now. I drive all the way down to the restaurant, she thinks she should get a fucking tip for giving you a plastic bag and a fork. I’m a little self-conscious about my body. And I went for a check-up, and I take off all my clothes. Next thing you know the doctor starts throwing dollar bills at me. I say, “what the hell are you doing?” He says, “you got a nice pack of titties on you there honey.” I said, “yea, well go fuck yourself.” He says, “yea, I’ll do that, right after I put my finger up your ass. Isn’t that what you’re here for?” I’m not crazy enough, dumb enough for this world Hey Doc, I came here for an ear infection. It’s crazy. It’s insanity. It’s madness. It’s not good. Hey thanks for calculating this fucking gratuity for me on the receipt, but can I possibly get some service to go along with that? At this point can I just fucking take it to go? Do you have to be a drug addict to work at Dunkin’ Donuts? Hey dipshit, you want to stop flirting with the cashier for a second and make sure all those cold items are bagged together. I don’t feel like doing a fucking scavenger hunt when I get home. You trying to check my prostate or the back of my throat? You guys want the mozzarella sticks that taste like potato chips or the potato chips that taste like mozzarella sticks?
7.
ACME II 02:46
8.
You woke up, were you offended by the sheets, you fuck Turned hard right cuz you shit in your tighty whities Alex Jones and QAnon are retarded Don’t have a meltdown snowflakes, there’s no better word for it The world is more than what you read in a book, you fuck The world is more, learn to read, open a book, you fuck Forgive me I must have misspoken, I’m not good linguistics I believe the proper pronoun is retard-it No sense of humor No sense of shame You should love each other You’re both to blame Cancer culture, social justice chemotherapy Overexposure killing everything Fuck your flag I’d like to see your stupid fatass try to stomp my ass Sorry warriors of mommy’s basement I meant mentally and physically disadvantaged One side claims everyone has bad intentions The other side hates everyone as a deflection Everyone needs to just stay the hell off social media Post a picture of your goddamn kid, tell us what meal kit you made for dinner, and shut the fuck up Oh, did I offend you? Can’t please them all Oh, did I offend you? I’m the asshole Cancel me
9.
Hot Tomalley 04:04
Oh, the young lovers Sit down, have some fresh lobster It’s so fucking delicious Some of us will end up on a douchebag’s yacht Some of us will end up in a chain restaurant Some of us served cold mixed with mayonnaise Some of us served hot with butter glaze We’ll all be together, stacked up on each other An orgy porno at the local grocery store-o Boiling water, I’m forced to dive I’m being cooked alive Maybe this will be you in the next life If I was only able These motherfuckers got me restrained Steaming red, I scream in pain How I wish I was under the sea in Maine If I was only able to turn the picnic table I’d get these rubber bands off my claws Cut off your balls Caught in a trap, now Andes plane crash cannibal Death row in a clam shack, I could have been immortal Before I die, look in my eyes, I’ll piss in your face I hope your lazy ass eats the shit in my veins Lobsta chowda Lobster bisque Tie that bib around your neck tighter, bitch
10.
Hard Drive 04:12
Watch your step, my desktop’s a mess Folders store stress Hoarding Try to keep clean, fail miserably Call A & E Slimy Worms in the ground, worm in the cloud Hard drive Crashed, hacked, shot, shut down Encrypted emotion, upgrades aggression The love I send, never opened Thrown in trash bin Download Hate to my device, I’ll win this fight All bark no byte Trusted Data with you, you sold me too Facebook-like used Stolen Identity threat, wide open dead Software Phishing, spying, fucking with my head The last attempt that I could make My system access has been locked out Froze in a disabled state My thoughts are silent shouts Shut up So much I can take I’ve run out of space Horny women, live on webcam Send me a DM Warning Your bank account balance is low Below zero Chosen Get rich quick Nigerian prince Spam, scam, link, click Virus I’m lagging now, wheel spins around Hard drive Crashed, hacked, shot, shut down My motherboard is fried I feel my anger rise Gonna blow a fuse and lose my mind Pop Nothing left to take My memory erased
11.
Weirdo Man 04:59
Weirdo Land, a place my mind goes Weirdo Man, imaginary hero Eccentric child, think big, create a story A pretend palace, worshipped and loved Weirdo Land, a place where I’m known Weirdo Man, imaginary hero Friends were excited then to play in my folklore When I was left alone, my mind was enough Erratic man, anger was my catalyst No matter how loud, no one hears empty words Over many years my angst turned to sadness I have nothing else to offer the world Weirdo Land, I’m never alone Weirdo Man, imaginary hero Everyone has died or gone away I couldn’t wait to leave, be on my own Ostracized, no place to call my home I couldn’t wait to grow up and be a man I’m still that boy wandering in Weirdo Land Leave me alone God works in mysterious ways I’m all alone God works in maleficent ways I couldn’t wait for their questioning to end Yet here I wait for their answers to begin Left here alone talking to myself And even he is keeping to himself Rode my bike on a secret dirt path Back then hard to be alone Now that trail is covered in grass It’s all gone away I catch a whiff of my grandmother’s kitchen in the strangest place And it takes me back a lifetime away I missed your funeral to be with a girl The same one you said on your deathbed would never leave my side Well, she’s gone Everyone has died or gone away I remember when I cared for something I remember those careless nights I remember being full of passion I remember those passionate fights Weirdo Land, a place that time stole Weirdo Man, another dead hero
12.
Tartarus 03:33
Here at Tartarus prison, we believe in rehabilitation The front gate states the fact Our mottos on the plaque The only healing path Is a trail of pain forced upon you The same way you put others through No toilet, only a sink in their cell So when brushing teeth their own shit they’ll smell The rapists will be raped With splintered wooden stakes The guards don’t take a break They’re as demented as you Reward for good behavior You get to be you again and murder other prisoners A Ritz cracker, one sip of water You made the choice Tartarus Bon appetit, morceau de merde That’s all you’ll get to eat this year Now pay the price Tartarus Free the drug addicts, kill the dealers Hang the white collar tax evaders Before you raped and killed those kids You should have figured this out Should have got yourself some help Or better yet put a bullet in your mouth Crucify him! Order in the court! Where is your humanity? There will be no more death, we are a civilized society You bound and tortured your victims I hereby sentence you To a life of experimentation This court is adjourned, fuck you The KKK, Westboro Baptists Violent gangs, domestic terrorists Pedophiles get crocodile conjugal visits Tartarus Solitary confined, duct tape around your head This is hell, not a gym membership Every day choked to brink of death and revived Tartarus Eat up, you piece of shit Merci beaucoup for my cracker Your soul may belong to Jesus, but your ass belongs to every maniac in this joint Hey boys, check out this honey Aren’t you that pencil dick that shot up that school? Come here you little bitch Tartarus Starve Die
13.
ACME III 01:10

about

Brand new album (2022) featuring 10 full length songs and three shorter instrumentals.

credits

released January 19, 2022

Produced by Circus of Dead Squirrels
Mixed and mastered by Noah C. Buchanan at Mercinary Studios in Cleveland, OH
Vocals, guitars, and bass engineered by Mark Alan Miller at Sonelab Studios in Easthampton, MA
Pre-production by Craig Douglas

Matt “Ripchord” Foran: Vocals
Craig Douglas: Keyboards, drum programming, guitar on track 9, additional guitars
John Beeler: Guitar
Matt Nodland: Bass
Derek Sendrak: Guitar on track 10

Additional drum programming by Noah C. Buchanan
Samples arranged by Matt Foran and Mark Alan Miller
Vocal on track 1 by Mark Alan Miller
Additional vocals on tracks 6 and 12 by John Beeler, track 9 by John Beeler and Mark Alan Miller

Tracks 1, 4, 5, 7, 8, and 9 written by Craig Douglas and Matt Foran
Tracks 2, 3, 6, 11, 12, and 13 written by John Beeler, Craig Douglas, and Matt Foran
Track 10 written by Derek Sendrak, Craig Douglas, and Matt Foran
All lyrics written by Matt Foran

Art and layout by Hudson Sahlmann

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Circus of Dead Squirrels Hartford, Connecticut

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